Reader Comments

Text Chemistry

by Alisa lisa Sophia (2019-04-01)


Moving Forward As Though The Husband Is Telling The Text Chemistry Review Truth About Not Loving His Wife Anymore (Even If She Doesn't Believe This) I had to ask the wife what she wanted wanted to happen. It was important to figure out if she wanted to save her marriage or if she wanted to be right about his feelings or if both were important to her. She told me that both were important. I asked which was more important and she admitted that saving the marriage was her highest goal. I had to gently tell her that her need to be right was potentially jeopardizing this. As it stood, she wasn't placing her attention on anything to make things better or to begin the restorative process. Instead, she was placing all of her focus on proving him wrong. At the heart of this, I think, was the wife's suspicion that there was something else going on, that in fact there was another reason for his "wanting out" that he wasn't sharing with her. She may well have been right about this. But, harping her husband wasn't likely to get her all of the answers. In fact, it was only annoying him and contributing to him clamming up even more. Her best bet was to not put herself in a position where she was solely reliant upon his feelings as a basis for her course of actions. She could not control his feelings or his perceptions. But, she could certainly control her own reactions and her own behaviors. She could begin to address the issue that was staring her right in the face which was, for whatever reason, her husband is so dissatisfied with the way things are that he's considering leaving. His reasons for this may or may not have been valid. (I really did understand her need to know because she figured she could address the issue when she knew of it.) However, she could not force him to change his reasoning if he really did not want to. And, making real change was going to be much more important to her bottom line than getting a "real answer" that might not change what happens anyway. As I said, I really did understand the wife's need to pinpoint what was really going on because she felt like she was sorting of digging around in the dark. But, the truth is that almost all marriages that end do so because, at least to some extent, intimacy and a sense of being in this together have been lost. These things were much more important to address than whether he still loved her or not. In truth, many men will utter this phrase because they know that this is the one that is going to stop you in your tracks. And, he knows that you can't really see inside his head and his heart to disprove him. So circling around this issue was just a waste of time. In terms of working on the intimacy and partnership, she had more things going for her than she thought. Yes, they had established a negative pattern in the marriage, but she also had a long history with this man, she knew the kinds of actions and behavior that he responded to, and she knew what types of activities were most likely to bring out the best in both of them. This may seem to be an oversimplification but it truly isn't.

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